I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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