So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
