When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
