Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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