Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
