when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
