Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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