I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
