I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
