3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize