dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
