what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
