i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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