I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
