While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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