I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
