I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
