I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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