So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
