ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
