Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
