Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
