I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize