i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
