you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
