You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
