Sorry, I don't speak sober.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is Oprah even human
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize