She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
