also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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