Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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