Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
