Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
