Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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