Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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