U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
