you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
