it was like his penis was on wheels.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
