we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
