I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
