she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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