I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
