Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
