well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
