Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
