What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
