Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dignity is for republicans.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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