ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize