I puked a lego.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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