I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
