so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
