11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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