I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
