there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
