you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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