Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
