My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
