i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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