they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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