You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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