i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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