Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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