so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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