my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize