I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Still dying that you shit outside
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
