Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
