YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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