oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
