I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
