Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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