eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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