Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
