im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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