Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
