this beer tastes like vomit already
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
